[Anne] Hit and Run

Yesterday I went to a taping of a vintage baseball game in Champaign, IL. I am working as a freelancer for the Illinois Humanities Council and this was my assignment. As I was driving I noticed that the birds along the highways of central Illinois fly very low. The seemingly suicidal daring of these birds interrupted my more obsessive thinking about the upcoming round and what I would improvise about the word “Pakistan.” Right as I was beginning to perspire a bird flew into my window and bounced off.

So I get to the game…there were a bunch of men (and one woman) dressed in 1858 baseball regalia, playing by 1858 rules and generally acting as though the jowly James Buchanan was sitting in the oval office. If a player made an “ace” or a scored a run a bell was struck and the crowed of fifty or so spectators would yell “Huzza!” in unison.

The umpire, who was dressed very much like how you would expect Ichabod Crane to be attired if he were wearing an over sized hat made out of some sort of hay-like material, had his wife perched on the sidelines. She stood out not only because she was “in ready made clothes of the 21st Century” but also because she carried a long copper horn she bought in Tibet. When she felt the team needed a gust of good luck she would blow towards the field. It sounded like a cross between a dying elephant and a dijareedo.

As I was wearily driving home from the game I began more obsessing about the contest. The “Pakistan” dilemma grew more ominous. The blogging seemed more daunting than re-writing the Constitution. And I was sure that the Weekend America piece would feature my response to finding out that I made it to the semi-finals. A reaction marked by a veritable tornado of swearing delivered with a robustness that rivaled that of the Tibetan horn blower.

It was then that I ran into the car in front of me. No one was hurt. But a scrappy white guy with tattoos got out of the car and started swearing himself. A woman who resembled Michelle Pfeiffer from Married to the Mob popped out and started into me as well.

I became very Dr. Phil and took total responsibility, apologized with aplomb and told them that I was a famous blogger and that they should look at my site because this was definitely going to be featured. In response they told me to “Bite it!”

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